The Beauty of Religion

This is probably the most public I've ever been about my loss of faith; I suppose you can't get any more public than the internet. While my first post on this blog, God is Good?, has a grumpy, cynical tone towards religion, that is not an accurate depiction of how I view the subject at all.

Fairly well-known among family and friends is my 8 or so year long stint with Protestant/Evangelical Christianity, but once I finally distanced myself from this initial spirituality, I discovered a lot: not only about myself, but about other religions, their similarities and differences.

I have to mention first though, that losing my faith was one of the hardest (but most necessary) experiences of my life. It's interesting; anyone who has never been religious cannot really ever understand how it feels to have your worldview, values, and doctrine ripped out from underneath your feet. It doesn't matter if it is by your own conclusion or not, losing a religion is painful and traumatic. Look up "Religious Trauma Syndrome" - it's a real thing (though I don't believe I suffered to that severity). At the same time though, there is a beautiful, cathartic freedom that comes from detaching oneself from a fairly closed and damning mindset.

The unraveling of my Christian faith began early last year, going into my final year of high school. I will say though that around age 15 I tried to leave the faith but was far too overwhelmed and scared to do so - due to the perceived effect I thought it might have on some of my friends and church community. On a related note, I recently stumbled across some emails between twelve-year-old me and a friend, about god. I was so intrigued by my doubtfulness about faith, even then. (I have omitted the friend's responses for their privacy.)

20/08/2010

I am usually content with my life, but right now I feel horrible...Maybe we are wrong? Maybe there is no God. This sounds horrible and I feel bad. I can never share my feelings when I'm upset, because I don't want other people to get sad as well. I'm not even making sense. 

Wow...what am I talking about??? 

~Abby  

22/08/2010

But its frustrating, because I had it, and then I lost it. You have a point. But I can't believe in something just because other people do. I have to find it for myself. Trust me, I'm looking, but I feel badly influenced in the opposite direction, because everyday I'm surrounded by non-Christians. Why has it all gone away? When will it come back?

~Abby

Yep, twelve-year-old me had some pretty heavy reservations about the whole god concept. I am surprised by my articulation at that age, also! It's amusing how melodramatic I sound, but I imagine at the time, these feelings were really significant and overwhelming. I have to wonder how my life would have been altered had I pulled out then and there and said nah, the whole Jesus thing isn't for me aye. I probably would have cultivated different friends at high school, and been less uptight and closed off around matters of drinking, sex, drugs et cetera. More worldly, as one might put it.

So, I digress. I'll get back to my title post, The Beauty of Religion, and unpack that a bit further.

Late last year was the beginning of my exploration of other religions - they had ultimately been taboo in my mind as a Christian - because they were the wrong answer anyway, so why bother with them?

To be honest, I went into the Bhakti Lounge for yoga and for a yummy dinner - I had no idea what "Kirtan" was, but it preceeded the meal, so there was no point in leaving in between, only to come back in an hour. I had no idea what I was in for. It was absolutely eye-opening for me.

The Bhakti Lounge is a yoga centre, which also hosts vegetarian meals, and is part of Hare Krishna movement/religion. Kirtan itself is defined as: a devotional song, typically about the life of Krishna, in which a group repeats lines sung by a leader.


So there I was, sweaty after a class of yoga, ushered into a dimly-lit room set up with pillows, floor seats, and a live band with foreign-looking instruments I had never seen before. What proceeded was what I can only describe as a worship session to a god I didn't know, by the name of Krishna. Everyone around me chanted the mantra of Hare Krishna over and over, lead by the kirtan leader. It was so strange for me to see such a strong spiritual connection in any context other than Christianity. But these people were having an intimate experience, in the same way that I previously would in Christian worship. The music was beautiful, and the mood was so calm; despite feeling like an outsider, I enjoyed spectating. 

This experience lead me to really try to learn more about Islam upon moving to Bahrain. I was fascinated by the idea that other people could be so content and fulfilled in religions other than Christianity. That sounds naive, but I suppose the idea had never seriously occurred to me - they were just misguided and needed true salvation.

Since I got back home, I have also explored Buddhism and enjoyed learning about meditation. I do quite like the teachings of Buddha, or the Four Noble Truths, as they are known.

Jeez this is a mammoth post, but I'll finish on this: religion, however outdated or irrelevant or illogical it may seem, has a lot to offer us. Perhaps not necessarily its doctrines and practices, but the spirituality aspect, and the self-reflection and introspection it demands. It is beautiful; and it is something I feel that many of us lack in the 21st century.

Distribution of major world religions

Cold Turkey - Day 1

Guess what I had for breakfast...? A very Instagram-worthy chia seed pudding with banana, nuts, crumbled bliss balls, and coconut sugar. I had the strongest urge to document it, which is ultimately quite embarrassing to confess. I resisted, and then I analysed what drives me to want to share my eating habits.

I think Instagram was really the social media platform that saw the trend of photographing our food arise. Next thing we know, Instagram is providing the handy added features of uploading our posts to Facebook and Twitter, all in one go. How convenient, to be able to alert all 504 of your friends/followers/subscribers/sheep that the food you eat is superior to theirs. Oh, and the invention of the infamous hashtags, which now seem to invade #everysinglemedium known to teen-kind...

I am now at peace with my breakfast sitting in my belly, myself as the sole witness of its beauty.

Anyway, I digress. It was odd today waking up to a new ringtone, and I saved a good 15 minutes at least not checking my social media accounts this morning. Walking to work, it was handy to be able to check the time without having to remove my gloves - ah, the under-appreciation of non-touch screen technology. It was also an opportunity to take in my surroundings without the distraction of music in my ears. Let me tell you, it is a rarity to see me out and about without earbuds in...

I have also, perhaps too bravely, blocked my biggest online time wasters: Facebook, YouTube and Reddit, from my computer's browser. I can't tell you how long that particular hiatus will last, but I'm trying!

Meanwhile I am hoping to do more reading, which I really do love when I start, but all too often neglect out of laziness.

Thought of the day: *insert lame internet meme here*

Digital Detox

I hate the internet sometimes. I hate social media, and the way it has invaded every facet of our daily lives. Yet I can't seem to drag myself away from it. I am hooked on this online world; crave it like an addict, turn to it in times of boredom. I waste hours in my life away all for the sake of...what, really? Who actually cares what I Facebook like or Instagram upload or YouTube comment. None of it is real; none of it means anything.

And oh, the irony of blogging about this on an online forum.

The thing that scares me the most is the fact that our preoccupation with the online world has quickly become the norm. We check our phones when we're commuting, when we're eating, when we're in bed, when we're watching television, and maybe even while we're standing face to face with another human being. What message are we sending to the other person? Are they not important enough to grant our full attention?

I worry about what it means for us socially. I can see the beginning of an unravelling of our innate social natures, morphing into something that disturbs me. Our screen time is replacing real interaction with each other.

So I'm trying a wee experiment. I'm downgrading my phone for 30 days: saying goodbye to my iPhone 6, and hello to this sexy beast, a Telecom Huawei HB5A2. 

Modelling the beauty

I'm transferring my current number across, and my goal is to leave my iPhone alone the entire 30 days, all the while documenting what it feels like to go smartphone free after four years of Apple phones.

Overall, I hope to spend far less time online, and more in the real world, doing real things with real people.

God is Good?

While travelling overseas during the last few months, I got a message from my housemate. They asked how I was, which was nice. They themself had just returned from a holiday to France. While chatting they happened to bring up the recent Nice massacre tragedy: originally they had planned to spend Bastille Day in Nice. They expressed their relief that their original flights were booked for Paris and they weren't able to change them or rebook for Nice instead. I agreed how lucky it was and the tragedy of those affected.

But then, get this - and I've heard it in so many contexts - they say "God is good." I replied, albeit coarsely, "Not to the 80 who died." (I really need to better learn to hold my tongue, I think.)

But in all seriousness, it not only comes across as elitist and selfish, but ignorant to the victims and the families of those killed. Yes, they were spared from the disaster, but is God good for saving them and killing 80 strangers? Would God still be "good" if someone they loved and cared about died that night?

When I hear God is good in that context, it makes me so mad. Christianity itself teaches that everyone has purpose and is valued by God - I would know, as a former Christian turned sceptic - yet in praising God for your own safety and good fortune, are you not valuing your own life over those who lost their lives?

Back to our conversation: they respond to my blunt comment with "Everything happens for a reason." Personally, I disagree. To me it is far more easily digestible to believe that the events of the universe are random, and any tragedy is not overseen, commanded or planned by a higher power, but just a horrible horrible occurrence with no mastermind behind it. To believe in an all powerful deity is to accept that he either allows evil, rather than intervene, or that he himself creates it. Then you run into the paradox of how a good God could allow/create evil. The most common way Christians seem to answer this is with a disatisfying spiel about the downfall of mankind when Adam and Eve were tempted and all of humanity now live in a fallen world. Translation: it's our fault bad things happen, not God's. 

This explanation fails to touch on how evil/Satan/Lucifer already existed by this point of the creation story, and all-knowing God created him, despite knowing what would become of this.

I could ramble about this for yonks, but I'll leave it there. I am fairly sure nobody reads this, I encourage people to leave a comment for me. All faiths are welcome. 

Until next time!